The Smallest Minority

You have too many shoes.

There's no such thing as too many shoes. Unless you want to hear that you have too many guns. I happen to believe there's no such thing as too many shoes or guns.

You have too many shoes when I run out of room for my guns...

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Title: Strategy of Marital Relations
Excerpt: Kevin Drum (BAKER!) at the Smallest Minority blog reproduces Men’s Rules from the webboard AR15.com. The final three are illustrative of the whole:
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.

Blog name: The Warrior Class Blog

I'm not sure I agree with all of it, but there's no arguing with point #1.

I'll take #1 a bit further. I sent this in to "Dear Abby" a great many years ago and she published it after editing it a bit.

When you use the toilet, it is your responsibility to put the seat and the lid in the positions that serve you best. It is not someone else's responsibility to do it for you, rather it is your responsibility to do it for yourself.

So, if you find them in positions that don't serve you well, you have no grounds for complaint. If you use them without checking them first and find out the hard way that they are in unsuitable positions, you don't deserve any sympathy from anyone for your refusal to think.

Now, re-read that carefully. Did you notice that it is not gender-specific? It applies to everyone equally.

Damn, I enjoyed that.

DJ, very good, but an addendum is needed.

When you use the toilet, it is your responsibility to put the seat and the lid in the positions that serve you best, and to clean up after yourself if needed. It is not someone else's responsibility to do it for you, rather it is your responsibility to do it for yourself.

I am a guy, yet I am still skeeved out by going to the mens room at work, (when I have ajob, anyway), need to perform a knee bend maneuver, and find yellow waer like fluid all over the frikkin seats. And this is in fortune 1000 companies, not the local no-brand gas-n-go.

Of course, not cleaning up after yourself is a failing of humanity in general, as I can attest to just looking around my living room as I type this...

Toilet humor!

I am much more interested in the #1 that refers to asking for what one wants. I learned years ago that women are not subtle, nor are they good at giving hints.

My marriage has hummed along quite well for 20 years, ever since my wife and I started using one couch when discussing issues of importance. When asked to have a talk on the couch, we do. When talking while on the couch, we don't joke or cry or hint. We talk.

Anywhere else, from the car to the dinner table to the bedroom, is open for misunderstandings to occur, and they do. But what gets said on the couch we pay attention to, and resolve if possible before standing up.

I recommend this method of communication without reservation.

And I can pee without lifting the seat, and not leave a drop.

You have too many shoes when I run out of room for my guns...

Geez, I just spewed my terminal...

RE the toilet seat thing, the only reason I like the seat down is because it just looks gross to have it up. So, in fairness, we put both the seat and the lid down after using the toilet, which means that neither one of us has privileged status WRT having to lift something up for usage.

The only problem with leaving the seat down is it takes a guy a second to realize it is if he has to tap a kidney in the middle of the night. ;)

And those damned foo-foo toilet seat covers just delay realization longer!

Kevin, you'll get no sympathy from me. It takes a fraction of a second to look or to feel for the seat and the lid. Need more time? Give in and get up sooner. Working a toilet is one of the easiest chores you'll have during your whole life.

Sarah, we leave both the seat and the lid down also. Thirteen years ago we acquired a marvelous pair of kittens, a brother and sister who were 15 weeks old. They just had to be where their people were, even if it meant jumping up on the toilet. Kitties like being on toilets, not in toilets. The lids have been down ever since. And, Kevin, I haven't pissed on the lid even once.

DJ, I don't know about that, our cats are so constantly falling in that you'd swear they like it.

Well, Kevin, I won't say that initially I didn't have a close call or two with that whole middle-of-the-night realization thing. :)

DJ, our kitty likes being where we are, too, especially the bathroom (what is it with cats and bathrooms?) The other advantage with the lid being down is that you avoid eau-de-toilet-bowl kisses from the dog.

Have you noticed that a lot of the toilet lids out there don't have the necessary geometry to stay open if they have foo foo covers? Degree of difficulty goes up considerably - ya pretty well need three hands to be successful.

Sarah, I don't have a dog. They're fine so long as they belong to other people and so long as I don't hear them. We had two when I was young, both named "Spot" as it happens, but I never wanted one as an adult. Dogs have "masters"; cats have "staff".

Jeffro, the foo foo cover is a ploy. It forces you to need three hands or to sit, in which case you'll want the seat down, too. A toilet seat needs one almost as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

Here's how I know I'm married to the perfect woman:

"Sweetie, I need to store the linens in a more-accessible place. If I give you the corner closet for your guns and ammo, can I use that space they're in?"

The corner closet is large enough to hold the safe, the ammo, and all the gun bags.

And I can't begin to count the number of shoes she has -- and as long as she wants 'em, that's fine by me.

We have another rule- it's OK to go to bed mad. Really, it doesn't mean your marriage will implode as soon as your head hits the pillow.

We both have some seriously explosive tempers, but also highly rational natures, so if we have time to calm down that little voice that asserts "You were a real bitch/prick back there, you know" has time to be heard before real damage is done.